Monday, 20 August 2018

Baba versus Saraki: Boss versus Actor" - as written by SMB Sesan Michael Johnson

Baba versus Saraki: Boss versus Actor" - as written by SMB Sesan Michael Johnson

#Caution: This is a fiction

Dogara, can't you see that baba is not relenting on crucifying us? But with all the blood of Jesus I had used to nullify baba's power in our last power service in church, Sai baba is still adamant. Really, so you can bring Jesus into this dirty politics we are playing. Please, stop wasting your saviour's blood. You are a bad guy, Dogara. By the way, since you attend Champions Chapel; what's the take of your G.O. regarding your.....I mean our manoeuvring of the political equation? Bukky, please leave my pastor out of this. He's too holy to be dragged into these dirts. Hmmm! But you know as my mother will say in Yoruba "inu igbe lowo wa". Indeed, in this game; baba is the boss and you are the actor. I am just a learner.

Bukky, why did you ask me to meet you here in a hotel notorious for prostitutes? I don't like this place, my Christian instinct is warning me to get out of here. Is there any difference between politicians and prostitutes? We both move from one suitor to the other. Politicians just like prostitutes are not loyal to one customer. We are more concerned about our patronage than patriotism. Let's go back to business. We must strategise on how to survive this onslaught by the new party leadership. Don't you see that even the look of the new look of the party is synonymous to wickedness. In the history of the world, such a stern looking leader should be feared. Can't you remember your history of the world, Mussolini, Hitler and Stalin all wore khaki uniforms? And he too wears khaki about. He's not a politician like us. He is a uniform man like baba. Baba has even dropped his own uniform. Their combination as party leaders is bad for us. Then, Bukki; how do we deal with him? We must activate our demonic instincts. Baba is going to call us for a meeting soon and that's why I called you here. We need to be on this same page. Let's threaten him that 30 senators and 130 honourable members are ready to defect with us. Haba, Bukki we don't have up to that. Of course, that is the only language that can quicken baba's conscience. Remember, baba wants 2019 by fire by force.

A motorcade stops at the entrance of the Aso villa. Is that the Chief of staff? How far with the intelligence report? What's been the communication line between those two bad guys? I never knew that they are very brilliant. I thought they can't repeat what we used that Sokoto boy to do for that umbrella party in 2014. Baba, the last intelligence info leaked to us by that Kaduna Senator says they are bent on decamping tomorrow at the Senate. Walahi, I will deal with these bad boys. Idris! What are you going to do to stop this defection that Bukki is orchestrating? Don't worry baba, it won't happen. Can I explain what we are going to do? Don't worry, I got no time for that, just do the needful but I need result regardless of the method. (Interjection) Baba, please I know how to deal with that Ibo guy. He's not leaving his home tomorrow. Allow Idris to handle bukola.

That's Mr Crusty, an American diplomat on a courtesy visit. What's his mission here at the senate? He got no mission. I used my network to arrange that visit. Why? To show to Nigerians that we are working and to also deceive Aso Rock that we are having international friends. That will caution them a bit in the way they are dealing with us. Walahi, you are a strategist. Mr Senate President, this is the guy you asked me to fetch for you. Bring him in. Your Excellency, sir. You can have your sit. I still couldn't forget your strategic contributions towards my emergence as the Senate president. But you really subjected me to serious wahala that nite before my emergence as president. How do you expect me to survive sleeping inside the engine burnet of that car? I salute your intelligence. I never knew you had emptied the engine and panel-beaten the interior of the burnet for me to lay. Thanks to Allah that those mumu did not figure it out.

The Police is asking me to come down to their headquarters for further investigation on Offa Robbery. Intelligence report says I will be detained and not be allowed to preside at the Senate tomorrow in order to avert the planned defection. What can we do? Boss, no qualms. Just assure Idris and his boys that you will honour their invitation. I will tell my own boys to use our avatar phone line to call the DSS to lay a siege on your convoy while you attempt to leave home tomorrow’s morning. Our boys will be ready with their cameras and social media to give this wide coverage. This will achieve two aims. First, this will paint the Police black and perhaps attract public sympathy to your cause. We will call it a siege on democracy. Second, it will throw the camp of the enemies into confusion. Third, it will give you the opportunity to attend the Senate sitting. Hmmm! This sounds great. But then, how do I escape the police siege? You can use that voodoo to disappear while at home and appear in your office at the Senate or you will not follow your convoy back home tonite. Where will I sleep tonite if I don't go home. Hmmm! This time around, you will sleep on the ceiling. You will enter via the opening in the toilet at the reception of your Chief of Staff. So, pick one out of the two options.

Good morning distinguished Senators. As we speak, the house of the Deputy Speaker is under siege. In the same manner, my convoy was also blocked today. But thanks to God who enabled me to be here this morning to preside.

Idris, why did you allow that Kwara boy to carry out his threat? I can't explain how he managed to transmit himself into the Senate. More, I don't know who ordered the boys to lay a siege on his convoy. Call me Oshiomole, prof, Mustapha, and Lawan. You guys need to crack your brains to crack this Kwara boy.

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